Many men fear my strength. He says he's only 10% afraid. 90% encouraging.
Somehow, for some reason, I believe him. He is his very much his own person. Nothing to it. Just himself. A badass. He says IF, I say WHEN. How completely hilarious. I will need to make the giant WHEN in answer to his IF.
I often disassociate myself when I am in FEAR. So, as of late, what has been my FEAR? Not even my home this time, but relationships. I fear relationships.
Resolving things with people. Being present with most people is pretty scary for me.
I am inching along. Very slowly building courage to talk openly, share my fears, be heard and accepted. Speak opinions, needs, ideas and not be discounted for having them.
I fear human touch and I crave it. Deeply connected human touch. It's maddening.
I avoid it.
Desire....the incessant gnawing. Unquenchable. Insatiable Hunger.
Wishing for, pining with a hint of begging....then discarding that thought or feeling. The dangerous edge.
Just breathe and allow yourself to acknowledge it. Sit with it.
The veil is very thin. Transparent. She is just beyond the veil and she is fierce with determination and a Ferocious insatiable appetite for all of it.
Everything. Nothing.
The hunger for something I've only had the pleasure to barely whet my appetite in a brief encounter. Unbridled. A slight wickedness to my hidden want.
Raw. It is true. He senses it.
He sees me. I had not let him. What is it that is seen in me that shows my RAW unexplored appetite.
I can only guess.
It is not merely vulnerable...but Raw. Starved From oppression. Years of it. Power is the great oppressor. I am no longer willing to withstand it, that oppression.
I create. From within. My essence blossoms the incubation of its nature to birth. I am visibly opening and for your witness. I see humor in the contrast that I, a woman, have so much hidden from view, as if to reinforce that feminine nature, the jewels of heaven being hidden from sight.
WHEN permitted... wild fertile abundance cascades the chosen. Some fear it, others are willing to inquire and seek. The courageous. The maleness of being so outwardly endowed, impossible to see anything but the obvious.
Reminiscent of a corner lot where all is completely exposed. Plain as day. For all to see. Alludes to lack of mystery. Or is there? To be with what is visible is so comforting.
It is what is hidden from sight that we fear.
Sit with it.
Satisfaction is the firey dragon aroused -awakening...no longer sleeping in the cave.
Vera
2023
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